Mathematically Frustrated
by Mermes
Summary: 'Triangle Frustration' day was quickly turning into 'Oh Noes Pythagoras Is Sexy' day as Jason tried to decide what was more maddening: the ruler-stroking or the fact that Pythagoras was muttering 'A squared' under his breath.


**Due to popular demand (yes, people have actually asked for this), I've decided to write yet ANOTHER crack!fic. That's 3 now, Atlantians. Be grateful to your Crack Queen.**

**I honestly don't know where this fic came from. Like, I sat down and started writing without knowing where I was going to end up and... well... things happened and I regret nothing.**

**Enjoy!**

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"Don't you ever get bored?"

"Of what?" Pythagoras muttered distractedly.

"Of those..." Hercules gestured towards the ridiculous amount of rolls of parchment his friend was poring over. "Those numbers and triangles and... um... various shapes that are of no use whatsoever."

The mathematician simply gave him the Look, the 'your-tiny-little-brain-cannot-comprehend-the-impo rtance-of-angles-because-I'm-a-genius-and-you're-n ot' Look, before returning to his work.

But Hercules did not fear the wrath of a maths-obsessed toothpick - really, the man was all skin and bones! - so he pressed on.

"Really, Pythagoras, of all the useless skills one can learn, Trigotry is definitely in the top 10."

Pythagoras' left eyebrow twitched. "It's _Trigonometry_," he said through gritted teeth.

"And I'm perfectly happy not knowing what it's about. Why think about numbers when you can find other, more pleasurable activities with which to spend your time? I think it's about time I initiated you into the Art of Wooing, the Gods know you need to get yourself a woman..."

"Hercules..." The warning was plain in his voice.

"... or a man, really, either one goes. Jason agrees with me, don't you, Jason?"

"Huh?"

"See? Even Jason falls asleep when you start going on about those angles!"

The truth, however, was a little bit different.

Jason was going through what can only be referred to as a Mathematical Frustration. That feeling you get when you're in class and the teacher asks another student how to calculate the area of a rectangle and you're just sitting there, thinking _'it's length x width, you moron'_, and you drown in your own frustration and the other person's ignorance?

Yes, well... Try waiting for Pythagoras to figure out his own bloody theorem.

Two words: Mathematical Frustration. Like sexual frustration, but worse.

Jason was vaguely aware of the other men's argument as he stared at the endless amount of triangles that Pythagoras had drawn, most of them crossed out or only halfway solved. They were driving him insane, those triangles and numbers and unsolved equations.

_'A squared plus B squared equals C squared'_, he thought miserably. The horrifying moment when a student realizes that some evil being decided to include the alphabet in maths.

And now said evil being was sitting a few feet away from him, all blonde curls and blue eyes and general adorableness that made Jason want to melt into a puddle of mush, even though that damn theorem had ruined his life. Oh, the irony. His daily life was now a struggle between wanting to jump Pythagoras and have his wicked way with him against a wall, or wanting to tell the man to either leave those godforsaken triangles alone or work out what a hypotenuse is.

Today was a Triangle Frustration day, it seemed.

He was just beginning to wonder if it the two men would noticed if he started banging his head against the nearest wall when Hercules stood up. "Fine, fine. Don't listen to me. _I_," he pointed at himself. "Am going to the tavern."

And with one last disdainful glance at the mathematician, he was gone.

Much to Jason's disappointment, Pythagoras didn't even seem to notice that he was till there. He simply kept working on his equations, absentmindedly running his fingers over a ruler.

Triangle Frustration day was quickly turning into Oh Noes Pythagoras Is Sexy day as Jason tried to decide what was more maddening: the ruler-stroking or the fact that Pythagoras was muttering 'A squared' under his breath.

"A squared plus... Plus what? B?"

Jason almost started crying when he saw that Pythagoras was now sucking his pencil.

"A plus B?"

_'A squared plus B squared equals C squared, you beautiful idiot.'_ Jason had to clamp a hand over his mouth to stop himself from blurting it out. Who knew what would happen if he said it? A disruption of the space-time continuum or something like that. He knew what he was talking about; he used to watch Doctor Who.

He was talking about saying the theorem, by the way. Not telling Pythagoras that he was beautiful.

What would happen if he told Pythagoras he was beautiful?

"Jason? Jason, are you all right?" The object of his affections was staring at him.

"Nnngh," Jason said eloquently after removing his hand from his mouth. He tried again. "Yes... I... um... I'm fine, thanks."

Pythagoras nodded, still staring. "It's time for dinner."

_'I want to have_ you _for dinner. On my bed. Covered in chocolate.'_

He smiled. "Great."

As Pythagoras started looking for some of the leftovers from lunch (bread and olives, in other words. They couldn't really afford anything else), Jason discreetly made his way towards the rolls of parchment he'd been working on. He was greeted by the sight of heaps of triangles, numbers and angles, and the occasional scribble that took him a few moments to figure out.

_'A squared plus...'_

"B squared, you silly man," he said softly, smiling to himself.

"What?" Pythagoras had somehow managed to sneak up to him, and Jason tried not to look too surprised as he turned around to face him. Problem was, the blonde's face was inches from his.

_Inches._

"What did you say?" Pythagoras insisted, looking at him with such genuine curiosity in his sky blue eyes that Jason's mind went completely blank. His eyes involuntarily glanced down at the other man's lips.

"Hypotenuse," he squeaked out, and Pythagoras' obvious bemusement was so endearing that you can't really blame the poor man for what he did then.

He kissed Pythagoras.

He _kissed Pythagoras_.

He moved his lips against the other man's tentatively at first, slowly growing more and more panicky as he felt no movement, but then Pythagoras let out a sound that can only be described as a moan (Jason may or may not have almost swooned when he heard it) and clutched onto Jason's tunic, kissing him back frantically. Jason responded enthusiastically, his insides dancing the conga, and the couple were quiet lost in one another for a little while. There were kisses, and lips were on skin, hands tangled in hair, and Jason's tunic was all but ripped off, and Pythagoras was muttering passionate words under his breath as he trailed kisses down Jason's jaw and _yes_, this was good, this was _perfect_.

Jason didn't know if he ought to thank whoever had taught Pythagoras how to do this, or punch them in the face for having been there when he wasn't.

"We should... go to your room..." he said breathlessly.

"It's too fa-_mmmh_!" Pythagoras' eyes fluttered shut as Jason's hand took a trip down his trousers.

Jason buried his face in the nape of his neck, inhaling that irresistible scent that was just so _Pythagoras_. "Hercules will kill us if we break the table."

"Then you'll have to be gentle," Pythagoras' breath tickled his cheek.

"And the triangles?"

Pythagoras pulled back, lips swollen and hair tousled, and looked at Jason square in the eye.

"To hell with triangles."

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**Please review if you liked it!**


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